The thought of me almost liking someone else has completely went away. What was I thinking? I don’t want anyone else, I want you. The hours you’re spending away from me is killing my insides. It’s killing my thoughts. It’s killing me entirely. What if you don’t come back to me? What if you aren’t mine anymore? You don’t define who I am, but, you’re the only one that keeps me going. You’re the person that keeps me excited for my future. I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop the thoughts of me killing myself. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Thinking I might like him was a mistake. Telling you there was a chance of me liking him was a mistake. I just had to tell you though. When I first moved here, you told me to tell you if I ever start liking or having feelings for someone else. I thought I did but they were false feelings. These false feelings has just led me into my complete loneliness.. I love you Matthew Shoji Torres. Don’t you ever forget that. You’re the person that owns my heart, the person that takes over my thoughts.. Please come back..
Fuck you Auntie Beth. FUCK YOU. What kind of stupid question is “are you graduation?” Yeah, I’m fucking graduating. You know I’m a senior, or at lease I hope you do. Are you that stupid to always keep asking me if I am? Why the fuck wouldn’t I be? Sorry I don’t go home and study every minute like your boring kids. Plus I’m not the idiot that dropped out of high school, like you for example. Why can’t you support your family with a home that’s actually yours? Why do you and your family keep coming to our house to eat our leftovers? Honestly. Go use your food stamps and feed your kids. Damn.
"You brought this on yourself." That’s all you had to say. No reassurance, no nothing.. That’s all. I brought this upon myself so you’re not going to do anything to make me feel better. You’re not going to tell me that you love me, you’re not going to tell me that it was one stupid summer. You wouldn’t tell me that your feels were always for me because you fell. You fell for her. You fell for a lot of people. How should I know that you’re not falling for the same, maybe even other people right now? I’m hurting. It hurts. It hurts knowing that I’m always going to look back at this and cry. I’m always going to look at you knowing that I cant fully trust you. I can’t let things go like normal girls. I’m not like normal girls. That’s why I hate myself so much..
I’m fighting to stay by your side but deep down, it feels as if our love is coming to an end. It hurts.. I know I don’t deserve you in the first place. You treat me so well but I don’t the same. Why don’t I do the same? Why do I think about my needs before yours? I get so angry at you for you doing the simplest things, things you enjoy to do, things that bring you happiness that I can’t. The things you do are pardonable but I’m too much of an asshole to overlook beyond it. I can’t be chill about things. I can’t be okay with you hanging out with other girls. You give me every ounce of your trust, while I give you not one bit of mine. You’re so optimistic about situations, while I’m here on the side finding the negativity within it.. Why can’t I be a normal, okay about things girlfriend? Why do I turn the smallest things into the biggest deals? You deserve the best, and that’s not me..