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Hey, it's Alayna.

LOL my thousand post is about how I like being alone.


I like being alone, but I hate the feeling of being lonely.

When you’re alone, you have time for yourself. Your thoughts finally catch up to you. You set your mind on things and everything is just clearer. Nothing’s bothering you and everything just feels right for once.

When you feel lonely, you feel as if no one’s there for you. It feels like no one understands you or is willing to listen. It feels like you’re screaming in a crowded room, but yet not one person looks up. 

(via koreanchocholips)

I forgot how good it feels to throw up my food..

My cousin told me that I’ve gained weight and that I need to work out. I wonder if he knows that I know that already. I wonder if he knows how insecure I am of my body. I wonder if he knows the things I’ve done in order to lose weight.

It’s time to get back to my regular schedule of not eating, or at lease eating way less than I do now. It’s time to start eating at 4 o’clock in the afternoon and stopping at 7 o’clock at night. It’s time to start eating just fruits or crackers for the day.

It’s terrible of how much weight I’ve gained. A month and a half or two months ago, I was 120 pounds. Now I’m 130 pounds… What the fuck happened to me? I’m gross. I’m fucking disgusting.

How am I suppose to get to my goal of being 108 pounds when I keep eating all the time? I’m so retarded. Just because I’m feeling a bit better with life doesn’t give me the right to eat. The hell is wrong with me? I need to control myself again. I need to stop eating.

I like being alone, not feeling alone.
Yeah, I did and I’m probably not. And what’s sad is knowing I’m not good enough for anyone..

You can’t just do that to a person. You can’t tell them sweet words, then tell them they should move on and wait for someone better to come along. It doesn’t work like that. You can’t just kiss me and hold me as if I’m yours, and let me go the next day without any explanation. Are you trying to kill me?
I put my guard down for you. I told you my true feelings. You had me believe that we had something somewhat special. How could I have been so stupid? I didn’t mean anything to you. Like we agreed, we were just having fun. You never liked me. You liked my kisses and my ass. You liked that I gave you so much attention.
Did you enjoy the game that you played? Because I didn’t, and I’m not going to let it happen again.. I hope.